Lovewound
Hey, you. I got married last week. My wife and I are currently honeymooning in Japan, but in the meantime I figured I’d share with you a short speech I gave at our wedding reception. Enjoy!
A few months ago on my bachelor trip, I was having dinner with the groomsmen one night when one of them, Gary, brought up a “would-you-rather” scenario. It went something like this: Would you rather the paths of you and your partner cross like an “X”, gradually converging, only to touch for a moment and continue diverging; or, would you rather your two paths be like two parallel lines, heading in the same direction, yet never quite touching?
Now, I hadn’t managed to come up with an answer back then, but after reflecting on it a bit, I think I’ve come up with something…
I have a hunch that you can have both.
Because when I think of Nikki and I’s relationship, and why we’ve managed to reach this point, it seems to be because we’re circling something. And this ‘something’ has a gravity that not only made us fall for each other six years ago, but has brought us to perpetually fall for each other ever since.
And, weirdly enough, through this falling, we are being lifted. I think it’s because the falling we’ve strained for is one of surrender, and we seem to rise because, through this surrender to something more important—something higher than—ourselves, that “something higher” reciprocates by drawing us upward, towards it. And in my eye this simultaneous falling and rising forms a pair of paths that twirl and climb in a double helix. So, to return to Gary’s question, if you imagine with me a double helix, but seen from the side, we find that each spiraling path perpetually crosses. And yet, both paths meanwhile stream in the same parallel, upward direction.
If you’ll also imagine with me this double helix seen from above, looking down at its circling paths, what do you find? A ring. So, in one sense, this wedding ring to me represents this ongoing relationship of mutual surrender that Nikki and I are groping towards. But that’s not all.
Because in the same way Nikki and I fell for each other, each and every one of you fell into our lives somehow. Our paths crossed. Not only that, you fell into this very moment. Our paths cross again. That same gravity that drew Nikki and I together, drew you into our lives, drew us into yours, and, I believe, drew all of us here to remind ourselves that we have two families, two friendgroups, all our ancestors below who couldn’t be here, and all our descendants above that have yet to arrive, all reuniting in this larger upward spiral.
So, I wanted to remind each of you that, in some impossible to understand way, you were essential in making this unique marriage happen. And I will be using this small ring to try and help remind myself of this larger ring—this larger union—in which we all play a part.
Now, this all begs the question: What are we circling around? What is this mysterious force that draws us together, causing us to stumble and fall?
Well, a wedding is a celebration of love. But not just love in its shallower romantic sense. A marriage attempts to embody a love more profound, one that overflows beyond just the cup of the relationship and spills into a larger cup capable of sustaining more relationship. And it is, I believe, this kind of love that we revolve around with others; it is this kind of love that draws us upwards; and it is thanks to this kind of overflowing love that all of us spilled into this very moment, and Nikki and I are so glad that we were able to spill into it with you.